Why Leaving Isn’t Always the End

One of the most common questions asked about domestic violence is, “Why don’t they just leave?” But perhaps we are asking the wrong question. Leaving an abusive relationship can be one of the most courageous decisions a survivor makes, yet walking out the door does not automatically create safety or stability. A survivor may leave with children, few belongings, little money, no transportation, damaged credit, or nowhere safe to stay. Instead of asking why someone doesn’t leave, we should be asking, “What barriers are preventing them from leaving safely?”

Even after leaving, the struggle may continue. Survivors can face housing insecurity, financial hardship, childcare needs, transportation challenges, safety concerns, and the emotional effects of abuse. Financial control may have left someone without savings, employment, or access to resources. For some, the lack of a safe and sustainable place to go can even lead them back to the abusive situation. Leaving may end the relationship, but it does not immediately erase the barriers created by abuse.

At I AM Enough retreat, Inc., we believe survivors need more than a way out. They need a pathway forward. Emergency transitional assistance, advocacy, community resources, and healing support can help bridge the gap between crisis and stability. As a community, we must move beyond asking, “Why didn’t they leave?” and begin asking, “What do they need to leave safely and rebuild their lives?” Because leaving should never mean choosing between abuse and homelessness, and surviving should not be where the story ends.